Lessons from the Hustle

Ladies, before you clutch your pearls, hear me out....

One of the most fascinating places to study attraction isn't a psychology lecture theatre. It isn't a relationship seminar. It most certainly is not a marriage counsellor's office.

It's a strip club. Not because of what happens on stage at the pole. Because of what happens on the floor.

The dancers call it the "hustle" - the art of turning a stranger into a customer who wants to spend more time with them and, ideally, pay for a private dance which is how the sexy girls earn their living.

Now ignore the skimpy clothing for a moment and simply observe what the most successful dancers actually do:

• They smile with their eyes and maintain eye contact.

• They overtly flirt.

• They tease.

• They ask questions and listen intently for the answer without injecting their own opinion.

• They make customers feel interesting, attractive, important, desired.

• They laugh at stories they've probably heard a hundred times before.

• They maintain confident posture.

• They use body language, touch, and proximity - A hand on a shoulder. A gentle touch on an arm or knee. Sitting close. Leaning in. Creating connection.

And for a few minutes, they make a man feel like he is the most wanted person in the room before transitioning to the invitation for a paid service.

Of course, most of this is theatre and an act. The dancer is unlikely to have a genuine interest in the punter whatsoever. But that's precisely the lesson. The hustle isn't about authenticity. It's about understanding the laws of attraction. It's about understanding what makes people feel good. And the women who excel at it understand something many people forget once they settle into long-term relationships: People are drawn to those who make them feel good about themselves and feel wanted. Men especially...and imagine how successful you will be given your attraction to your man is not just an act?

Now before the angry emails arrive, I'm not saying men are stupid. I'm saying men are remarkably consistent and have simple needs.

They spend their lives solving problems, carrying responsibility, paying bills, dealing with stress and trying to provide for the people they love. Then they come home and often hear about everything they haven't done rather than everything they have, or they hear about your dramas which they are biologically programmed to try and fix.

So when someone gives them attention, admiration, affection and appreciation, without drama, they light up. Not because they're weak. Because they're human. Of course most know they are being hustled, but they don't care. For that moment someone made them feel desired. Fake or not, the attention often beats what they are getting at home and thats why they are there.

The other thing strip clubs teach us is that attraction is often far less about genetics than effort. Most dancers are not supermodels. Many look like completely ordinary girl-next-door women if you pass them in the supermarket. But then comes the grooming:

• The hair.

• The makeup.

• The perfume.

• The outfit.

• The posture.

• The confidence.

• The heals.

• The way they walk and carry themselves. They walk in a way that they want attention and to be desired.

• They stay fit.

They make an effort and invest in themselves. Their choice of earning a living takes effort and they, like any job, also require a return on investment. Their livelihood depends on it.

Suddenly men can't stop looking. It's a useful reminder that sexy is created, it is designed, not inherited. Somewhere along the way many women start believing that attraction should simply exist if a man loves them or they have been together a long time. But attraction, like fitness, requires constant maintenance. And if your love life and your relationships or your partner is your priority, then creating attraction and being desirable should also be your priority. Make it your job also.

The things that created desire at the beginning of a relationship are usually the same things that keep desire alive years later:

• Flirting.

• Touching.

• Laughing.

• Looking your partner in the eyes.

• Making an effort.

• Showing affection.

• Wear something alluring, even around the house, not some old... tracky dacks. Make what you wear say 'yes, I am doing this for you'.

• Putting on some heals (and learning to walk in them, properly).

• Showing appreciation.

• Creating anticipation.

• Making him feel wanted, desired.

I'm not suggesting you become a stripper (although your own little private show at home would go a very long way!). I'm suggesting that if you quietly sat in a strip club for an evening and simply observed what the most successful dancers actually do, you'd learn a surprising amount about the laws of attraction and desire.

Not because they're selling sex, because in most clubs they are not. Because they're masters of attention and selling the idea of sex. They understand that attraction isn't something you have. It's something you create.

"..although your own little private show at home would go a very long way"!

Most men are not nearly as complicated as women think. And the woman who consistently hustles her man don't have to wonder where his attention is. Go to a Strip Club. Go tonight. Go with him, go with some girlfriends, or go alone. Sit. Watch. Become a student of observation. Even pay for a private dance. Admire the skills of some very sexy ladies, and learn from the hustle.

Yours in lust Shelby Silk